An Elegy for a Cat Gone Too Soon

Oh Colin, it’s been a full day since I had to say goodbye to you, but it still feels it just happened. I wish I could wake up and find that it was all just a long nightmare, and you’re there at my head, sticking your paw in my mouth to wake me up for breakfast. There are no words fitting for how this feels.

Keira spent yesterday looking for you. I think she still believes you’re just on one of your visits to mom and dad’s house. She’s been saving her canned food for you since you stopped being able to swallow dry food, and she’s still saving it for you now — even after you stopped eating on Wednesday — even now that you’re gone. She smelled your stuffed Bagheera friend, and she gave it a lick on the head, just like she always did for you.

She’s not the same as you though. You did a wonderful job raising her to be a lot like you. She’s a great cat. But she’ll never be as smart as you or as empathic as you or as cuddly as you. Your eyes always had that spark of understanding. Hers are much more vacuous compared to yours. Still, I’ll love her like you loved her.

I miss your head butts. That’s something I’ll never get again, and it’s one of the most painful parts of losing you. It was one of the greatest honors to receive a head butt and a purr from you. There was something undeniably comforting that came from you.

You didn’t deserve any of this. You brought so much joy to me and others, and you had such joy in your favorite things. The growth in your head took all of your joys away until all that was left for you was a soft blanket to knead and cuddles. Everything you loved was taken away within 2 months. From not being able to eat treats or chicken to not being able to see the sunlight shining outside. It’s not fair. You were the best cat that ever lived. Why you?! And yet you never lost your loving personality.

I miss you waking me up in the mornings. I even miss your sharp claws scraping my skin because you knew that would annoy me enough to get me out of bed. I miss your cuddles. I miss your purrs. I miss your warmth and your soft gray fur. I miss your little feet holding my hand because you always had to be touching me when you slept.

I miss your George Washington face you always made when I took pictures of you. I only have a few pictures of you not posing — and that’s only because I was sneaky. I miss the ridiculous faces you’d make when you were playing. Especially the one you’d make when you’d drag yourself across the floor using the bottom of the chairs. Your face was just as handsome toothless as it was when you had your vampire fangs.

I miss your voice. That was the first thing that went. You had a way of telling me exactly what you wanted. I miss those moments when you just wanted to say something to me just because you loved to talk.

You always understood what was going on. You understood everything we said. It was uncanny because cats aren’t supposed to understand English. I think you even knew the vet was coming to put you to sleep, and that’s why you didn’t want me to hold you anymore 20 minutes before they arrived. You knew it was time, and you were so very tired.

I put your bowl away for the last time today. Food was your greatest motivator, and I knew you were dying when you wouldn’t even eat tuna water anymore. Thank you for teaching Keira to sit for meals. I don’t know how you did it, but you were smart like that. You did so much to raise her from a rambunctious kitten to a much more refined cat.

I’m so glad you got to say goodbye to everyone and everything that you loved. I’m glad you got to enjoy your porch at mom and dad’s house several times before you passed. I know that was your favorite place in the world. I’m sorry I never took you to visit more often.

We all miss you, and we’re all mourning our loss of you. I don’t know when the pain will subside for me. As ridiculous as it sounds, you were my soul cat. I’ve never felt so in tune with an animal in my life. I guess that’s what happens when an empathic human meets an empathic cat. You were there with me for so many hard and wonderful things in my life. Thank you for letting me cry in your fur. Thank you for letting me hold you when I was anxious. Thank you for lying next to me and just enjoying a sunny day. Thank you for being my TV watching buddy when it was just the two of us.

It’s probably weird to write this out since you’re gone and you couldn’t read anyways. But I needed to get it out. Every memory hits me like a ton of bricks, and it’s hard to breathe with that weight. I miss you. I’ll miss you until the day I die. You were my handsome gray smooshy face dude, and no one will ever take your place. I hope I get to see you again one day. I love you forever my sweet boy.

I’m MARRIED!!!!

Ok, so it’s been almost a month since we got married, but between the honeymoon, a flour weevil infestation, and just plain trying to catch up with life, I’ve been too busy to write!

We got married on February 23, exactly one year from the day we got engaged. ❤️ The wedding was at an local restaurant that had an event space. It was amazing to see things we envisioned come together! My big goal was to have it be uniquely us…and somehow it worked!

I’m hoping to go into more detail on the details because we experienced so many blessings from random people — including small shops on Etsy!We really only had one negative for the whole wedding, and I was prepared for it.

If I had one piece of advice, it would be to NOT take everyone’s unsolicited advice. For instance, I had people tell us to leave the wedding early so we could have time to ourselves. We, however, wanted to stay and party and visit with the people who came from all over the country to celebrate with us. I’m thankful we did what we wanted and have zero regrets!

Anyways, life is good. I’m overjoyed to be able to come home to my husband (!!!!!!) every day. We just go together, and I never want to take that for granted.

It’s Getting Real!!

You guys!! We’re getting married in LESS THAN A MONTH!!!

Life is crazy right now. Between working full time, reselling part time, trying to make space in this one bedroom apartment for 2 of us to live, and wedding planning… No wonder I’m fighting a cold!

I’m still having anxious moments, but I think weekend before last was the worst it will get. I ended up staying up all night because I was having one very long panic attack. But since then, the anxiety has been limited to the occasional weird dream. I think I’m just too busy to feel worried.

Besides, the most important stuff is done. We already have the marriage license and everything. If we wanted to, we could go all Jim and Pam and get married before the wedding. We’re just dealing with the small details now. They don’t annoy me as much as they suck me in and bring out the obsessiveness in me.

And soon we’ll be back to being boring again. And I like it that way. 💖

Life Anxiety

I’m getting married in 66 days!!! I’m so excited to marry my wonderful fiance, but…

WE ARE BOTH SO. STRESSED. OUT.

There are so many things we still need to do. I haven’t even ordered invitations yet! Yikes! We’re trying to find a place to live, and we found something that was perfect! But someone beat us to it. The venue people don’t even want to meet until January, so the planner in me is freaking out. And so many other things to get done!

And when I’m stressed with too much to do…I shut down. So that’s been fun.

Honestly, we should’ve just eloped, but my family wants to go to a wedding so that didn’t happen. I’m desperately trying to stay under our $10,000 budget. My mom acts like every small expense is a problem, yet she’s pushing me to invite more people.

And we’re probably going to need to cut the honeymoon short for multiple reasons.

Part of me just wants to say, “Screw it,” and just run away and get married.

Aaaaaaagggghhhhhh!!!!

More Than Nothing

Strive to be more than nothing:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

LOVE NEVER ENDS.

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because GOD IS LOVE. (1 Corinthians 13:1-8 & 1 John 4:8)

My First RunDisney Event!: Day 1

Finally! The posts I promised!

I first learned about runDisney about 10 years ago. At the time, it was just a pipedream. I don’t run, and I had never even participated in a run before. In 2013, I decided to make it a goal to go to at least one Disney race in my lifetime.

Fast forward to 2017, and I finally got up the nerve to register for my first runDisney race! My sister-in-law (we’ll call her A) registered as well so that we could run the Disney Princess 5k together. (She’s an awesome Disney Parks buddy, by the way.)

Before we get too far, this post will cover the registration process and our first day of the race weekend.

Ok… Now on to what you came here for…

Registration

I started researching the RunDisney races before I signed up for anything. RunDisney.com is the main resource for everything race related. I knew I wanted to do the Princess 5k race as my first Disney race. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to dress up and meet a bunch of princesses!

On the RunDisney website, I went to the page for the Disney Princess Half Marathon weekend and signed up for updates. This way I got emails with the registration info. I also joined their Facebook page to get updates. Once you know the registration date and time, set an alarm. Registration is first come, first served, and the shorter races can sell out incredibly quickly.

While I waited for the day to come I continued to dig for sources on what to expect. Surprisingly, aside from a handful of vlogs and blogs, there’s not too much great info out there if you’re a detail person like me.

Registration was on May 2, 2017 for the 2018 Princess races. I logged into the registration site a little early and just kept refreshing the page until registration opened. I impatiently waited for my turn to start the registration process. Let me tell you… It’s NERVE-RACKING! Then, I started the process: picked the race I wanted to do, waived the opportunity to pre-purchase merch, entered my info (including shirt size), and checked out. I did not enter a proof of time because I was hoping to be in one of the last corrals. Registration opened at noon, and I had a confirmation in my inbox at 2:39pm.

Sidenote: 2017 was the last year that Disney used Active for the registration, but the new portal is still a free-for-all, in my opinion.

It was an amazing feeling to know that I was finally going to do something I had dreamed about!

Between registration and race day, I took care of other details, like booking the resort (Pop Century for the win!), deciding the itinerary, and figuring out what I was going to wear for the race. While staying off site would have been cheaper, we stayed on site to take advantage of the bus service on race morning. I’m not creative so I wore leggings/a tank top, and a headband that had the stained glass from Beauty and the Beast — I just said I was the stained glass window. 😂 We also found out that the 5k was Rapunzel themed!

Day 1

Because the 5k was on a Friday, we left for Disney at dawn on Thursday morning. It was the first time my SIL and I had spent any time alone together, and we were going to be in the car together for over 9 hours. It turned out to be a lot of fun! We had a lot of good conversation, I handled the Florida part of the drive, and we learned that we both avoid driving beside trucks as much as possible.

Obligatory Florida Sign Picture

We got to Disney by the afternoon, and due to some traffic pattern changes that put us in the wrong lane, we decided to check in for the race before going to the resort. Not knowing what to expect, I’m so glad that we decided to do this!

Race check-in is at ESPN Wide World of Sports. This was our first time visiting the complex, and it was almost intimidating! In true Disney fashion, there were plenty of people and signs directing us where to park. If you’re staying at a Disney resort, there are also buses to take you to the complex.

We parked and stretched our legs a bit and then ON TO CHECK-IN!

ESPN Wide World of Sports Sign

I was expecting a couple of buildings and some fields, but WWOS exceeded my expectations! It’s humongous!

We made our way up the hill to the check-in building: HP Field House. (Ignore the building with Cinderella’s coach — you will get to that later.) Cast members and volunteers will directed us through the building. (If you’ve just gotten in from a long trip like we did, this is also a great place for a bathroom break.) We were directed upstairs to the next level to sign the race waiver. If you have done this ahead of time, you can skip this part. If you can’t remember, you will be able to check there. Print out the waiver and take it with you to check-in. Follow the signs to go into the central part of the building.

Inside HP Field House

Check-in booths are sectioned off according to race and then divided by last name. This process is simple and quick as they just check that you’re you and check your name off in a notebook. They will then give you a large bag filled with race info and your bib. If you will be needing Disney to hold stuff during your race, you will use this bag. Thankfully I haven’t had to do that for either race I’ve done… Because I broke both bags on the first day. Sigh. Clutz life.

Inside and outside the building, there are props for pictures. It’s a great time to take a picture with your bib!

We then left the field house, went up a long flight of stairs outside, and made our to our next stop to pick up our shirts: Visa Athletic Center. This location is also home to the non-RunDisney vendors. As you make your way to the entrance, make sure to have a photoshoot on the red carpet! I honestly don’t remember the interior of this building quite so much, except that we had to go downstairs to get into the expo space. This area is much busier and more overwhelming than check-in. The room is full of vendors, with t-shirt pick-up strategically placed on the far end. We made our way to shirt pick-up before taking time to look around.

Inside Visa Athletic Center

If you are looking for race-related gear that isn’t sold by Disney, this is the place to be. There are vendors selling clothes, shoes, massages, tape, displays…more than I can remember! There are booths selling food and drinks. Celebratory glass of champagne? This is where you get it. You can even meet runDisney trainer and former Olympian Jeff Galloway. A and I both ended up buying workout headbands. At this point we had been there a while, and I was honestly feeling disappointed that I didn’t see much runDisney merch at all. So, we went upstairs to leave to go back to the resort. We passed an area that was doing running related talks/classes during the weekend and the ESPN Wide World of Sports Grill. That’s when we realized we had already been there a couple hours, and we were hungry!

On our way back down the hill, I suggested we go check out what the Cinderella coach photo spot was at the first building we had passed, “and then we’ll go back to the resort.” We took the shortcut sidewalk and did a mini photoshoot in front of the runDisney 5k signs.

Say cheese!! Shirt: Lone Cactus Shop

Once we got to the building, we learned why we were disappointed in the merch. Turns out, The Arena at ESPN Wide World of World of Sports Complex is THE REAL LOCATION FOR RUNDISNEY MERCHANDISE!

We skipped the photo spot and just went straight inside. We were directed down the long hallway that circles the arena until we got to a large room. There is a limit to the number of people allowed in the main room, so there is a large room with a queue to wait your turn to enter. We didn’t wait long at all, so we were in the arena within minutes. THIS PLACE WAS THE MOTHERLOAD!!! Wall to wall runDisney merchandise!

I don’t even know how long we stayed here, but damage was done to both of our wallets. You can get both runDisney and race-specific merchandise, including clothes, magnets, pins, water bottles, and Dooney & Bourke. After we spent forever and a day shopping, we headed to check-out. That was the longest checkout line I have ever been in, but it was still faster than Taco Bell at dinner time. We spent the time in line deciding whether we really needed everything, and saying that “after this we’ll go back to the resort.”

After we checked out, we made our way to the exit… Only to realize that beyond the temporary wall, you could meet princesses! We ended up meeting Tiana, Snow White, and Princess Minnie! Such a great surprise! This also had a small area with food and drinks to buy on the way out, but we decided to wait until we got to the resort.

Tiana!

Princess Minnie!

Snow White!

There are also large banners with the race course if you want to know where you’ll be running.

5k Course

We finally made it back to car after about 5 hours at ESPN Wide World of Sports. WHEW! I also managed to get blisters from my shoes — thank goodness that Pop Century sells moleskin! Thankfully, the road to Pop Century is across the street from the WWOS entrance, so we didn’t have a long drive. We made it to Pop, checked in and went straight to dinner in the food court. We bought reusable mugs for the weekend (I survive Disney with Coca-Cola). This was my sis-in-law’s first time at a Disney resort, so I got to teach her the ways of the food court. I ended up getting the fried chicken, and A got the jerk chicken. Both meals were delicious and filling! Also, yes, I know I like unhealthy foods.

After dinner, we took the car to the correct parking lot and brought our stuff to the room. By this time it was almost 8, and we both needed to get to bed. We had to be up by 2 AM! We needed to be on a bus before 3:30 AM for the race that started at 5 AM. On our way to our room, we discovered that we had a view of fireworks! What?! That was a magical surprise for sure. We also got a brand new remodeled room. The remote hadn’t even been paired with the TV! 😂 We prepped our clothes for the morning, including pinning on the bibs. Trust me, I do NOT need to be handling sharp objects when I’m half asleep.

While A showered, I decided to go swimming… Only to discover that the pools closed at 8. Oops. Instead, I took a walk around the resort, called my family to let them know I was in, talked to my boyfriend, and walked across the bridge to check out Art of Animation.

By the time I got back, I was finally tired and my muscles were loosened up from the drive. I took a quick shower, put my wet hair up, and went to sleep around 11.

Stay tuned for Day 2!!

My RunDisney Experiences

I’ve run two RunDisney races now and will be recounting my experiences here soon!

Be sure to follow this blog if you’d like to learn more about these events!

Cry It Out

Sometimes, adulting means grabbing a drink from the drive thru and crying it out in the car wash. And you know what? That’s ok.

Even when life is good, we can have bad days. Sometimes the little things add up and become too heavy for the moment. Sometimes humans are jerks. Sometimes you just don’t see the results you are working so hard for or the path to that dream you have. Sometimes you have crazy hormones and everything is three times harder than normal.

So cry it out. You might feel better after. ❤️

Family Time

Went out to dinner with just my immediate family and their significant others. I needed that. We’re not all in the same place very often.

Family Time

Went out to dinner with just my immediate family and their significant others. I needed that. We’re not all in the same place very often.