Just Hmmph…

Today. Is. Monday.

Today, my work computer won’t stay online for more than 10 minutes. Today, the printer will only print the top inch of anything I try to print. Today, people annoy me. Today, I feel like I have no purpose. Today, I feel like I don’t belong. Today, I feel out of focus and almost numb.

And if I talk about it, the listener would say, “Why?” And I would have to say that it is for no reason in particular. Because sometimes, a bunch of little things can come together and create a problem.

What little things? Well, I’m coming down from a really fun weekend. My hormones are starting to go into PMS stage. My ex tried to add me on Facebook. Technology hates me. And I took OTC sleep medicine last night (depressant/antihistamine + April = all messed up in the feels). I really do want to run away somewhere and sleep.

Hopefully, the effects of the medicine will wear off, and I’ll feel better tomorrow. Today, I’m just gonna draw a smile on my face and take it one step at a time. Because that’s what I am…I’m persistent.

 

 

 

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A Pigeon Story

The strangest things can help you in ways you’d never realize. If someone had told me before last night that a pigeon would help me face my fears, I would have laughed. But knowing my life, I should just expect these things.

You see, last week I started following a wildlife rescue called Izzie’s Pond (they do great work. Check them out!). Last night, they reached out to see if anyone could transport a pigeon to their home. Long story short, I didn’t have too much to do anyways and ended up volunteering.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The town where the pigeon was is the very same place I avoid like the plague because that’s where my ex lives. And I do whatever it takes to avoid him even realizing I still exist. This made me a little nervous. But I had that picture of that sad little hungry bird, and I just had to go anyways. But who knew that the pigeon would be located off the same road I drove almost daily for over 4 years to get to that same ex’s house. And I did this ALONE! In the DARK!

Granted, I did play it as safe as I possibly could. But I was afraid to get out of my car, not because I was meeting a stranger to pick up a bird in a box, but because of where I was. I DID get out of my car though (pretty sure pigeons can’t open doors by themselves, lol). And then I high-tailed it out of there 20 mph above the speed limit. But still, I did it. By myself. I needed that. I’ve gotten so tired of anxiety. It will probably always be there. But I do not have to live my life in fear.

And you know what? That pigeon will never have to live in fear again either. What I didn’t tell you was that he is a racing pigeon. Like me, he was “owned” and controlled by someone who didn’t really care about him. The poor thing is emaciated. But somehow, he got free, found some people with half a heart, and will live out the rest of his life fat and happy. And that’s a great ending, don’t you think?

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35

Over Thinking All the Time

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I’m a very analytical person. Which pretty much means my mind won’t stop over thinking all the time.  I joke that I’m morbid because I come up with the worst case scenarios for every situation. Panic attack before vacation? Of course! Thankfully,  I’m too restless to live in a bubble (besides, bad things can happen if you do that — I’ve thought about it).

But some days are worse than others. If I’m relaxed, the over thinking lets up a ton. But when I’m stressed or sleep deprived, it gets pretty bad. This week I’m both. Between having too much to do at work and my lovely friend pms, I’m shot. I got to the point today at work where I just shut down.

I NEED A VACATION!!!

My big question tonight for over thinking?  What if I’m not doing enough with my life?  Am I a failure because I’m 30 years old and have done nothing significant?  Day in, day out work is not meaningful for me. So it’s not that satisfying. I’m not saving money by any means. I’m not broke, but I’m not far from it though. I need ideas on how to change this.

I mean, I did basically have to start from scratch a few years ago, but I’m impatient!  I know I lost my ability to verbally commit to anything,  and that’s part of the problem. Stupid what-ifs.

Thankfully, writing out my rambling brain helps it calm down, so maybe I can sleep now.

What Stereotypical Married Women Need to Know about Their Unmarried Former Friends

Soapbox warning: THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL MARRIED WOMEN. However…

1. We aren’t “doing whatever we want” all the time. We have jobs. When we’re off work, we’re being responsible adults. You know, cooking, cleaning, taking care of others, paying bills, repairing stuff. Handling everything on our OWN for the most part.
2. Yes, some of us do want to get married one day. But we’re not settling just to get a ring. And we’re certainly not worshiping your “higher/more blessed by God” status.
3. No, we don’t want to steal your husband.

4. We understand married life is busy. We’re busy too. Say hi every once in a while. It’s not like we see our single friends that often either.

5. We felt it when you dropped us as soon as there weren’t any more showers to be held for you. (You’re welcome, by the way.)

6. We really would have been incredibly flexible just to spend a little bit of time catching up with you.
7. We don’t just want to be your babysitter. But we do enjoy the opportunity to spend time with kids.
8. Pretty much the only thing that changed between us was marital status.
9. We noticed when you unfriended us.
10. We may have seen a lot more of life than you think we have. We don’t think you’re wiser just for saying “I do.”
11. We are good with your [insert product here] sales parties. But we notice when we’re only invited to meet your guest quota. Also, we’re probably tight on money (see #1 above), so don’t expect too much.
12. We like who we are. We are strong, independent women. However, we may lack the self-confidence to reach out. Being well into adulthood and single means we’ve dealt with a lot of rejection.
13. We found out that not all married people treat single people like this… We’re friends with them now.
14. We will ALWAYS be grateful for the friends that didn’t walk down the aisle and immediately forget we exist. You guys are awesome! 🙂