Restless Whatever Syndrome

Lately, I’ve found myself more and more in a state of restlessness. I have a good job and a good life, but I feel like I’m supposed to do more.

Here’s what dictionary.com says about the word “restless”:

1. “Characterized by or showing inability to remain at rest.”

I’m so tired of sitting all day long and staring at a flashing screen. Yes, it’s spring. Yes, the warmer weather naturally makes me want to go outside. But besides that, my eyes hurt from the computer and my back hurts from sitting. I really just need to expend some energy. Exercising after work isn’t really helping.

2. “Unquiet or uneasy, as a person, the mind, or the heart.”

You know how I feel like I need to chase a different purpose? Well, that would do with this part of the definition. I’m scared that I’m wasting my life sitting chained to a desk all day. I’m also scared of taking a risk. Something’s gotta give.

3. “Never at rest; perpetually agitated or in motion.”

Is that why my legs are always moving?! Ha!

4. “Without rest; without restful sleep.”

I sleep…but it’s almost never a restful sleep. I tend to wake up exhausted. I still have nightmares.

5. “Unceasingly active; averse to quiet or inaction, as persons.”

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy binging on Netflix or my favorite movies, but doing that all the time can get old. I’d rather go somewhere. (Preferably, Disney World, but that’s a bit far away and expensive.)

But. But. But.

THAT. Right. There. is the problem. There are a lot of “buts” in my vocabulary. That needs to go away. Otherwise, I’ll be sitting here another three years from now and still be regretting the ideas and opportunities I didn’t follow through with.

Someone tell me that risk is worth it! I have to support myself — money is the scariest thing. Especially because I barely make ends meet as it is. But yet, there is always that whisper saying “take the chance.” My personal life is fulfilling and happy. Is it so bad to want my money-making life to be the same way?

It’s Been a While..

Apparently, I’m the most average blogger…

Life got busy, and I stopped writing. And so much has happened since then that I can’t even remember it all!

First off, my job got really busy. I ended up taking on extra responsibilities when my general manger changed jobs. I’m really grateful for the experience and extra work! But, it does make me end up feeling so tired at the end of most days, that I just don’t feel like turning on my computer at home. But hey, I know Quickbooks now!

By the time I was finally catching up with balancing the new work with the old work, it was almost time for my office to change floors in our building. Lots of work. Lots of haggling with contractors that weren’t that wonderful IMO. Eventually, the main contractor disappeared. My boyfriend and I ended up doing the last few things that needed to be done in the new office space.

In the middle of THAT, my mom and I went to Disney World! For my birthday! It was a pretty crazy trip, but we did several things on my bucket list — Yay! I FINALLY got to see Festival of Fantasy on our last day  — a day that we weren’t supposed to be in the parks. Long story! It seems like every time I was in Magic Kingdom since that parade came out, it was raining. I’ve seen the Rainy Day Parade more times than any other parade, I think. By the way, the bread plate at Sanaa is AMAZING! Definitely something you can share with two people. I also realized that I REALLY need a real camera. Relying on my crap phone for everything was so irritating.

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Festival of Fantasy

So, we got back from Disney, and I went straight into the office move which went straight into prepping for our client party (my first time organizing THAT, BTW) which went straight into Thanksgiving then the client party then Christmas parties then Christmas then New Year’s (each of which usually involves at least 3 different gatherings each night) then my grandma’s surprise 80th birthday party. *Gasp! I didn’t get a chance to breathe until mid-January — and then I got sick (of course!).

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Colin & Keira

Oh yeah, I also got a second cat right before Christmas. Totally unplanned, but it was a good thing because Colin was getting lonely by himself all day. She’s adorable. ❤

And how can I forget?! My brother got engaged! I’m happy for him. I’ll be a bridesmaid in their wedding this summer. Social anxiety much?

So here I am, finally healthy again. Time to start getting into this blog thing again. Anything you would like me to write about? Let me know!

Just Hmmph…

Today. Is. Monday.

Today, my work computer won’t stay online for more than 10 minutes. Today, the printer will only print the top inch of anything I try to print. Today, people annoy me. Today, I feel like I have no purpose. Today, I feel like I don’t belong. Today, I feel out of focus and almost numb.

And if I talk about it, the listener would say, “Why?” And I would have to say that it is for no reason in particular. Because sometimes, a bunch of little things can come together and create a problem.

What little things? Well, I’m coming down from a really fun weekend. My hormones are starting to go into PMS stage. My ex tried to add me on Facebook. Technology hates me. And I took OTC sleep medicine last night (depressant/antihistamine + April = all messed up in the feels). I really do want to run away somewhere and sleep.

Hopefully, the effects of the medicine will wear off, and I’ll feel better tomorrow. Today, I’m just gonna draw a smile on my face and take it one step at a time. Because that’s what I am…I’m persistent.

 

 

 

Over Thinking All the Time

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I’m a very analytical person. Which pretty much means my mind won’t stop over thinking all the time.  I joke that I’m morbid because I come up with the worst case scenarios for every situation. Panic attack before vacation? Of course! Thankfully,  I’m too restless to live in a bubble (besides, bad things can happen if you do that — I’ve thought about it).

But some days are worse than others. If I’m relaxed, the over thinking lets up a ton. But when I’m stressed or sleep deprived, it gets pretty bad. This week I’m both. Between having too much to do at work and my lovely friend pms, I’m shot. I got to the point today at work where I just shut down.

I NEED A VACATION!!!

My big question tonight for over thinking?  What if I’m not doing enough with my life?  Am I a failure because I’m 30 years old and have done nothing significant?  Day in, day out work is not meaningful for me. So it’s not that satisfying. I’m not saving money by any means. I’m not broke, but I’m not far from it though. I need ideas on how to change this.

I mean, I did basically have to start from scratch a few years ago, but I’m impatient!  I know I lost my ability to verbally commit to anything,  and that’s part of the problem. Stupid what-ifs.

Thankfully, writing out my rambling brain helps it calm down, so maybe I can sleep now.