Lately, I’ve found myself more and more in a state of restlessness. I have a good job and a good life, but I feel like I’m supposed to do more.
1. “Characterized by or showing inability to remain at rest.”
I’m so tired of sitting all day long and staring at a flashing screen. Yes, it’s spring. Yes, the warmer weather naturally makes me want to go outside. But besides that, my eyes hurt from the computer and my back hurts from sitting. I really just need to expend some energy. Exercising after work isn’t really helping.
2. “Unquiet or uneasy, as a person, the mind, or the heart.”
You know how I feel like I need to chase a different purpose? Well, that would do with this part of the definition. I’m scared that I’m wasting my life sitting chained to a desk all day. I’m also scared of taking a risk. Something’s gotta give.
3. “Never at rest; perpetually agitated or in motion.”
Is that why my legs are always moving?! Ha!
4. “Without rest; without restful sleep.”
I sleep…but it’s almost never a restful sleep. I tend to wake up exhausted. I still have nightmares.
5. “Unceasingly active; averse to quiet or inaction, as persons.”
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy binging on Netflix or my favorite movies, but doing that all the time can get old. I’d rather go somewhere. (Preferably, Disney World, but that’s a bit far away and expensive.)
But. But. But.
THAT. Right. There. is the problem. There are a lot of “buts” in my vocabulary. That needs to go away. Otherwise, I’ll be sitting here another three years from now and still be regretting the ideas and opportunities I didn’t follow through with.
Someone tell me that risk is worth it! I have to support myself — money is the scariest thing. Especially because I barely make ends meet as it is. But yet, there is always that whisper saying “take the chance.” My personal life is fulfilling and happy. Is it so bad to want my money-making life to be the same way?